Well, as anyone that has followed my blog you know I have been through several IUI's and other infertility related procedures. I am a fairly private person and do not tell a lot of people much about my IF journey(ONE of the many reasons I love all of you and my blog). In the past I have told my mother, sisters, and 2 close friends any details. However, as I get started with my first IVF cycle I have told....wait for it....nobody. Just Jerry...and let's face it..he kinda needs to be left in the loop.
Our intentions of not telling anyone stems from our past experiences. The disappointment and heartache we felt from each failed IUI or miscarriage was only deepened by the pain our friends and family experienced with it, too. I just cannot bear to tell them all and for them to get their hopes up and once again be crushed if this is not successful.
I also know they will have 500 questions (as i would expect) and I am trying so hard to not over think everything and be as relaxed and calm as possible. If they did not ask about every appointment, test result, and procedure I would be hurt.
I just cannot bear to tell them and to see that hope and anticipation on their faces....to be shortly replaced by pain, hurt, anger, and pity. I am not anticipating that this will be a failed cycle by any means! However, I have been down this road and I know the possibilities.
So what DO they know? My family knows that we have seen an RE about IVF. We have told them that at this point we are just saving money to do so. Which was true at first, but now we have saved enough and as many of you know we are going through with it in April. If anyone asks what is going on right now...we give them the same response...saving money.
I just have to say....THIS IS KILLING ME! I just had lunch with my sister yesterday and it took everything inside of me to NOT say anything. Am I crazy? Should I tell them? Do you think they will be upset we did not tell them?
How amazing though (from out of nowhere when they least expect it) would it be to just fast forward to a couple months from now and just simply be able to tell our families those two beautiful words...I cannot type them...but you know what they are.
We've been very open with our family about our infertility and the IUIs. My reason for this is simple: I don't want to skirt around the truth. It was WAY more of an effort to not tell them than it was to keep it a secret. Yes, it was painful not having those IUIs work out and then having to tell our families. But that just meant we had extra support during those emotional times. I plan to do the same if we go through IVF.
ReplyDeleteGood luck making your decision. I know it's a tough one!
OH I totally know where you are coming from...I can't offer any advice on what you should do but can tell you my experience...
ReplyDeleteWe've tried to be upfront throughout our whole process BUT have asked our family NOT to ask questions and let us talk about it when we felt like it. We explained why and they have done exactly what we asked. They've been great support and have prayed for us along the way BUT definitely given us our space.
I know this is a difficult decision and I will praying for you about it and for the IVF. Hang in there friend..
I tend to be very private about IF too, but since our families knew about our miscarriage almost a year ago...it seemed harder to keep them in the dark, knowing they would be wondering what was taking so long. So we decided to share this, and I agree with Katie's comment above. As much as I hated telling them it was a BFN, it was nice having that support. It is a hard decision though, because once you share, it's all out on the table, and yes there are a lot of questions...especially with IVF. Hang in there hun, keep us posted on your decision. Either way, just remember to do whats best for YOU!
ReplyDeleteI think it is a personal decision and that you should do whatever makes you comfortable. While you obviously love your family, you don't owe them this information. Since they know your struggles, they will just be delighted to hear about your BFP and then you can share your IVF story at that time. Good luck hon!
ReplyDeleteHi, just started reading your blog. I'm very private when it comes to IF since it's so personal and soooooo heart breaking sometimes. But I also believe if you need to talk to somebody about it who better than your mom and your sister. You will feel when the times is right to talk to them. Good luck in April!!!
ReplyDeleteIf I had to do it all over I wouldn't have hardly told anybody about this stuff. I am like you and I feel like I let all of them down every time there is a BFN. It seems like IF is always the white elephant in the room now. Idk, since I have my blog.. now I feel like I can talk about my feelings on the computer and so it doesnt make me want to talk about it to people I know in real life. Definitely do what makes you comfortable...but if I had to do over I would only have told a couple people.
ReplyDeleteBTW--sorry about my "I'm pregnant" post. Just wanted to see what it felt like to announce it. Hopefully you and I will both have that headline soon!!
I am too very private when it comes to IF. I will tell you tonight about what DH and I have decided to do about telling people. It is such a tough decision
ReplyDeleteSee you later!!
Such a good question. I can see both sides. This time around, my husband and I have told our families and close friends...though to different degrees in terms of details. The support that we've received has be amazing and wonderful. However, I do know that it will be difficult if we have to share bad news. I think we'll make that decision again each time we begin a treatment or cycle...though we'll pray this is the last! I understand your desicion either way and hope you find something you're both comfortable with in the end.
ReplyDeleteI think it could go either way and you should really do what you feel most comfortable with and what's right for you. I tell my mom every detail so she knew about my IUI, and I would talk to her after every appt. I told my SIL in the middle of the IUI just asking for prayers (she knew about IF and we were doing treatments though) and told my step-MIL after the IUI but I will tell them all the next time we do one also. They know about the cyst. I didn't tell my close friend though b/c I always have secret hope I'll get to surprise SOMEONE. No such luck, I told her after it failed and will tell her when I do the next. As far as anyone else or other family I don't tell. My mom told my bro and he texted me supportive things, I don't care if any of my family knows. Outside of my mom the rest of the people don't say much and just assume if I want to talk about it I will bring it up. Which is ok.
ReplyDeleteEach cycle I decide I'm not going to tell anyone, but then I always cave. I am so close with my sisters and mom that it always comes out. I always think that I don't want to tell them so that when I finally do get a BFP I can tell them and have it be a big wonderful surprise! I have a big mouth though. But I also hate telling them and then feeling more and more like a failure/loser when it doesn't work out month after month. Such a toughie! To tell or not to tell...that is the question! Sorry I'm not more help!
ReplyDelete:)LTB