In God's Hands

So I am not sure where to start. This post has been in edit mode for about a week. First off, thank you for all your prayers and especially to all that has checked back in when I did not post anything. My heart has been all over the place. I will try to give you a play by play.

On Thursday, August 5th at 10:00 am 2 perfect embryos were thawed and transferred.

I did not POAS or ask for the 1st beta results. My office does two and then usually gives you the results after the second one, unless you request to get the first one early.

I am glad that I waited because it turned out that on Wednesday, August 11th - 6dp5dt my 1st beta was only a 4. Had I got them that day I would have figured it was negative.

Friday, August 13th - 8dp5dt I was a nervous wreck. I had convinced myself that it was negative. I felt nothing at all. I finally received a call..... They told me the 1st bet and then 2nd beta was..... 28.
So we were thrilled and over the moon. Still staying cautious with the #'s so low starting out. However, the nurse did say with FET's the HCG levels almost always start out lower than a fresh cycle....did she say this to make me feel better? Oh well...they way more than doubled in 24 hours.

Monday, August 16th - 11dp5dt rolls around. The 3rd beta is 74. Conversation from nurse.
Nurse: 74 is good. I would have loved to see 84, but 74 is good. Let's do another beta on Wednesday to make sure the #'s did not go up, but are on their way down. *Sigh*

I know that 74 is not terrible, but I cannot help but remember all the other times where it was such a #'s game. The...it's not bad...but hoped it would be....comments from the nurse. Then before you know it, our baby is gone again.

The last two days I did not know what to think! Technically I am pregnant, but is this going to turn out just like the other ones?? Let yourself be happy until you have something to be sad about...is what I kept trying to tell myself. It did not work. My luck sucks....if I did not have bad luck I would have no luck at all. I told God it was in his hands....and it looks like he heard me.....

Wednesday, August 18th - 13dp5dt......143! No, we are far from out of the woods. But today, I am thrilled. Today, I am pregnant! God is good and no matter what is in stored for us with this pregnancy I believe he does have a plan. I trust in him. Thank you God for our little miracle!

My heart is pretty heavy right now for many other women out there. If you have not already, I would love for you to show your support to Jessica at Dreams of A Baby. I am so sad that our journey is not continuing on together down the same path right now. However, I am positive that good things are soon to come for her. She is an amazing woman and and an awesome friend! There is also Mama J at Her Womb, Our Hearts. The faith and strength she has is so inspiring! Finally, I just met Waiting for a Baby Bump her last week, but instantly felt we were in similar boats. She has waited so long for a miracle and my heart hurts that she has to continue to wait. I love all three of you and not all of us have even met! Please know I pray every day for you. I am confident that God will prevail and your hearts will soon be full!