IUI vs IVF

So I have a feeling this post may be somewhat controversial. However, if it helps at least one woman out there battling with choices in IF, treatments, procedures...then I think it is worth it. Do any of you read a blog and want to say something, but do not feel like it is your place? So many times I have read a post and it ends with "What do you think?" or "What should I do?" I have always avoided these questions because I am certainly not a dr. I understand that every couple and every case is different. But is there anything out there that is said where you just want to scream "Don't do it!" or "Stop!"

Well I do. It is always with IUI vs. IVF. I understand that IUI is less invasive, less time consuming, and certainly less expensive. I think that IUI is definitely one of the the first routes to go (unless there are issues such as blocked tubes), but when is enough...enough? How many cycles is enough?

I have had several IUI cycles. I have been pregnant 5 times (4 from IUI, 1 naturally)...still no baby in our arms. I wish someone would have told me Stop after the 3rd....5th....8th...

So ....what do you guys think? How many IUI's is enough before you move on to IVF, adopt, or throw in the towel? If you or someone you know was successful with IUI, how many IUI cycles did it take them before being successful? I do not mind being proven wrong. I actually would love to hear that someone after several IUI's was finally successful and has a healthy happy baby. I would love to hear that I was not crazy for trying so many times. But if I am not...then I want to help someone else out there that is in the IUI phase of IF.

I have almost deleted this post several times because I really do not want to offend anyone. THIS IS NOT MY INTENT and I am very sorry if I have.

As I wait...

I wanted to finish a story that I started over a month ago. It was the post celebrating our 5 year anniversary. This post included how we got engaged. I started this story to show what I got my husband for our anniversary, but never got around to it.

Before I tell (or show) I want to explain a couple things. I do not consider ourselves poor. I feel like we have what we need and some extra fun things. However, over the years a lot of our income has been spent on our future children. This being said our gifts to each other have become gifts that take time and thought and not necessarily money. All in all I am actually grateful for this. The jewelry, I-pods, clothes, gift certificates, etc. are all very nice, but I have come to really appreciate and cherish those gifts that include the heart. This is probably not something I would have agreed with in my younger days.

The other thing I wanted to explain was how we always try to get each other anniversary gifts that correspond with the "recommended gift." For example, Year 1 is Paper, Year 2 is Cotton...you get the gist. Who came up with this list? Probably Hallmark, but it is fun to try to come up with something and get creative.

So about a month before our anniversary I was trying to come up with what I can get Jerry. The 5 year anniversary gift is Wood. What the heck is made of wood, that does not cost a lot, and still a good gift? I mentioned in my engagement story "our tree." This is where Jerry proposed to me. After we were married we would go out there a few times a year for a picnic or just take a walk.

Not too long ago we went for a walk and to my dismay...our tree was no longer. Our tree was now a stump. All the other trees were still standing, blooming, and I think even laughing at our poor little stump :O( I looked at Jerry and said, "I do not think that is a good sign."

As I was brainstorming what to get Jerry I thought about our poor stump. I immediately thought...hey maybe I could chop down the stump and make him something out of it. That way our tree would be with us forever! It was like a Tuesday day when I came up with this epiphany and I dragged my friend at lunch down to the park (no I did not have a chainsaw handy, I just wanted to check it out). As we walked up to the spot where our beautiful tree once stood, my heart sunk once again. The stump was gone. I sputtered something under my breath like "Lord, can I please have a good sign for once." About that time is when my friend kicked something in the ground. One lonely chunk of wood stuck out of the ground. It was not much, but it was the only thing left of our tree...and it was mine.

So after some further thought, some assistance from a handy friend of ours...I present to you Jerry's 5 year anniversary gift...

I know it may not look like much. However, down the road when our children *sigh* ask us about how we met, how we knew they were the one, how we got engaged, etc. we will have a little piece (the last piece) of that beautiful tree and that perfect memory.

No Go

So I went to my ultrasound yesterday and unfortunately my suspicions were correct...no Transfer in May. So we will see for June. We are going to try again naturally. Doc said if we become frustrated we can do a medicated cycle to ensure I ovualte. Don't you love how he said IF we become frustrated? Frustrated was three years ago dude!

Every day is a gift...

So why do I want to fast forward? Why do I want to go home and crawl back to bed? Today is not a good day as you can all guess. I really did ok yesterday until last night. Laying in bed with my DH and here come the waterfalls. It was a really nice day. I had a great time celebrating my mother, my mother in law, and my sisters as mothers. It is just at the end of the night I am still with empty arms.
I am told again...next year...it has been 4 years that I have been told...next year. When will I just give up? When will I stop torturing myself? When will this pain go away?

I started spotting this weekend. Today is Day 17. Not time to spot! I went in on Friday (the apt where my dr said we WOULD know for sure whether we would be doing the FET in May. Shocking news....no answer on Friday. Follicles only around 12. Doc wants me to come in tomorrow for yet another $45 ultrasound. So now with me spotting over the weekend I am sure we are out for May. I have no idea what it means....but let's get real...it never works out.

So Debbie Downer is going to sign off for now....sorry....hope you all are having a better Monday than I am!

Happy Mother's Day

Whether your babies are in your arms, in your belly, waiting to be adopted, in a petri dish, in heaven, or just in your hearts....I am wishing you a Happy Mothers Day. I know that this day is pretty hard for most of us. I am praying for all of you tonight. Every single one of you. We have never met, but I feel we have a bond that cannot ever be removed.

Love you all

Just catching up...

Sorry I have been M.I.A. I am trying to catch up on every ones blogs. Sorry for my absence! There has not been a day that has gone by that I do not think of all of you!

This morning I had an ultrasound to see if I have a dominant follicle. I had a couple in the 8 range. One needs to be around 18. Today is day 11 so he wants me to come in Friday again for another ultrasound. I am certainly hoping we can do a natural FET, but if it does not work out then we will just wait until June.

I am used to things not going good (with IF) so I am not holding my breath. I am staying positive, but just not getting my hopes up. The end result is what we are looking forward to. It is not a race...well obviously...4 and a half years later. :0)

Quick question for anyone that has done an FET. How long before the transfer did you cut out caffeine and alcohol? Last cycle I cut them completely out as soon as I started stims. Just wondering what all you ladies recommend?

In other news, I had a pretty rough day a couple days ago. Uncontrollable crying, feeling sorry for myself, then feeling selfish...not the best day. Later that evening Jerry walks in with a card and candy....

My husband may not be State Spelling Bee Champion, but he makes me smile every day! I could never make it through this journey without him. I love you just does not say enough. You are my rock, my hero, and often times the only thing that gets me out of bed. My life would be devastatingly empty without you.

FET and Ultrasound

So last Friday I met with Dr. P.A. It went MUCH better than I expected! He said we could actually do our FET in May! Wooohoo! He also said that we could do a natural cycle (less meds). He said that there is no big difference as far as end results either way. He will only do a natural cycle if you have regular cycles and ovulate on your own. My cycles are pretty regular (31-34 day). I will go in on May 4th to do an ultrasound. If I have a dominant follicle (sign I will ovulate on my own) then we will transfer in May. If not, then we will do medication and transfer in June. But he felt confident with my regular cycles that I would have no problem ovulating.

He really made me feel better about my PGD results as well. I felt like I was a walking freak with all of our abnormalities. He reassured me and said that he has seen much worse and that many embryos come back abnormal. Most people just do not know because they do not make viable pregnancies and the sperm are more likely to go for the “good ones” naturally. He also said he would not have ANY hesitation in transferring the other two that came back with no results some day. Most times the abnormalities will always show up. The “no-reads” mean that more likely they cannot confirm, but no abnormalities appeared. He said that it is more likely to just not be a viable pregnancy if anything and not that we would have a child with abnormalities. That made me feel much better. Here I thought we would have to make the decision what to do with these embryos since they were most likely abnormal (so I thought). I am not morally comfortable with that at all. I want to give all of our babies a chance at life, but want them to have a good quality of life, too.